Thursday, 20 December 2012

Sum up of christmas and the year!

Happy 200th anniversary Grimms Fairy tales!

Since finishing up University for the holidays I have been struck with a nasty virus or something typical me! 
I get to enjoy my first week off Uni with never ending snot and coughing up all my vital organs from the comfort of my bed while I sleep the days away. 
That also builders have been running around my flat bringing up the floors and magic dust trails where ever they go.
(Really nice guys trying to do their jobs tho!)

But yes this has been me the last week or so and its not been that fun not really manadged to get anything fun done. Or even be able to get back to painting and drawing my personal work again. 
My esty shop shall be forever bare I think!
But I have seen some friends and been eating lots of yummy food and this year has been tough and life changing.

 Chicken Korma with Rice and Wedges with Garlic Naan bread.

This year has been tough I have somehow been sick five times since I moved away from home. Plus money has been a big issue since becoming a student. I have been supporting not just myself but the boyfriend on the side for the past five months also because his students funds did'nt pull through till basically last week.
I dont know if this happened because I'm just really nice or a complete idiot. Probably the idiot part.
Which has not left me much money theirs only so much being independent and a part time job can do.
Felt even super guilty for taking off my first day ever off work since I started.

But in the spirit of giving and christmas I somehow have also manadged to buy all my family members christmas gifts this year. My family is pretty big so buying christmas for them all is never easy or cheap but I dont want it to be. It's always worth it to see the look on their faces when they open gifts. It's also going to be interesting to see how christmas turns out this year. 
You see half my family has stopped speaking to my parents which are the Grandparents so we have christmas at my house every year. And its all been to be honest really silly because people are to proud and stubborn to just say sorry and admit that their wrong. It's going to be sad either way cause its just not going to be the same christmas without them. 
I even still bought presents for them so I'm wondering how I'll give them their gifts.
And the sad thing is my parents are'nt going to be around forever so I wish they would just suck it up and enjoy the only time their ever gonna get with them.

Since being away at uni I've barely seen my family this year and thats been a huge step for me. I've not cried about how much I miss them since the weekly phone calls from my parents. But I'm worried I'm not being there enough for my nieces and my youngest nephew since they have been growing up with me. I want to be a good role model for them and that is a big dent in my heart that I knew I would feel when I moved away. That also trying to buy gifts for people you barely talk to anymore is seriously tricky ha ha!

Dispite money troubles I do sometimes keep a little money for myself and did spend on stuff only when I see things super cheap.

I got these boots a while ago cause I found that all the walking I'm doing back and forth to uni and all over town. My trusty flat cheap trainers just don't cut it especially for the weather and the state my feet were getting in. My feet were constantly sore and have been slowly going out of shape so I took the plunge and got a descent pair of shoes. Which is a difficult thing for me to do because I dont like spending any money on myself.

But I can't resist my love of books no matter how hard I try I love books and enjoy having them. I got these two from my many charity shop adventures and I adore them. Started reading the Watership down book and its actually amazing its like side stories about the rabbits and tales of their folk lore. Always wanted a book about witches and I'm a sucker for midevil history especially wood block prints which is how the book is illustrated. Can't wait to read this baby!

Because things were tough and depressing for me I have found people really really do care and are wonderful. As a surprise my new classmate/friend got me this deer broach to cheer me up when things were dark and pretty bad. How wonderful she knows me so well DEERS! YES! It's actually made by someone in the Jewellery department of our art uni. I'll have to find out her name it's so beautiful! I'll have to get something for my friend as well!

I have went back to drawing just a little when I find the energy and time from not being so ill. I started this piece a long time ago but its going to be special and can only work on it when it feels right. Yeah its one of those pieces.

I had so many plans and ideas for my art work and things I wanted to create and eventually sell but uni and life has made it all halt. I have no idea why I never even got around to my giveaway and I have so much to giveaway. I have became invisable on the internet as an artist and blogger once again. Maybe I'll try to get some things done over the holidays well see.

If anything I cannot wait to go home and enjoy christmas with my family this week it's going to be amazing! I do hope you all have a wonderful christmas and new years if I dont get to speak to you all before then!
Hope you have a great big dinner and get all the gifts you wanted!

Merry christmas and happy new year!
Take care

Oh yeah! incase you were wondering I still do my story book tapes on youtube. And I made it to a 100 SUBSCRIBERS! WOW! Thank you all so much guys your the best and what a wonderful gift for the new year!
Heres my favourite story for you all I uploaded recently.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

My friends are playing lord of the rings risk while I type this

Oh my feeling a bit better from my last post from the black pit of University work and general student life and troubles with love life.

But dispite all of this I finished my first semester at Uni and gosh I dunno how to feel. I worked ridiculously hard and I usually dont admit that kinda thing. But...I really did work hard to get all of my work done and in on time. At the same time battling with bad health and barely sleeping from stress and a part time job at weekends gah??!

I know that doesnt sound that amazing or challenging but it has been, still adjusting to the student life and living away from home since Semptember. Learned so much in a short amount of time and so much has happened. 
It's hard to sum it all up cause it all happened so quickly dont even remember it all my brain is just mush these days.

But what has happened is that

I was in five films including sound projects and my own for uni work and to help out my fellow class mates.
Not seen their films around the internet so the ones I have done are on my YouTube.
That's here if you hav'nt seen them

Time Based Art is a lot more techy based that I thought even brought up all my art materials to my flat to have them collect dust in a corner. Spar some pens, pencils, the scissors and glue for sketchbooks.

I created four sketchbooks for my project in this amount of time including one thats dedicated to basically my Granmother and her house.
Thats here

I learned that you cant rely on other people and that if you want to get stuff done including helping others you have to do it yourself. 
And that some can be very difficult and that its a given that I'm paitent and tolerant of them. Dispite this never believed it was right to speak down or be cruel to others so I dont.

But I've also learned that their truley are amazing people in the mix who you can trust, console, ask for advice and get advice in return, share your hopes and dreams and cry and laugh with them.

Being in a fully creative environment is probably one of the most wonderful things that has happened to me and I am very lucky to have got into art uni.

But I still am not sure if its were I belong yet or what I want to do with my future or where I want to be yet.

That I'm only human and even tho young I do get tired and weak and can have terrible bad days and learn harsh things.

Also my flat has became more dire the more I've been living in it and its going to get worse.

But theirs also good things that turn it around, my family shows they love me and support me by weekly phone calls.

On a terrible day back from work I got handed free fruit with kind words on them.

I saw Brave and Frankenweenie and adored them.

It's hard but Im independent with money finally in my life and I do buy what only I need a save for my rent and food shopping. 
And little treats every couple of months on the side for myself. 
(Will post soon hopefully)

Never been so happy to be able to get sleep when I can cause always tired! ha ha!

Also looking forward to christmas! still have some christmas shopping to do!

Their is a lot more their has been a lot of fighting and tears as well but its strange now knowing people read my blog in real life. It was so surreal when people come up to you and say 'oh I read your blog'. So now I talk to others in real life about my problems instead of online so much.
But I want to make my own art again and express whats been going on in life through blogging again.

The thing that hosts my images for blogger is completely full now sadly.
Thats a lot of blogging?!
So now I have to find another image host site thats free dont have the money to pay for one every month.

Now I just have my results next week for my first semester at uni and part time work till christmas happens.

Lets see how things go and can finally relax and sleep for a couple of weeks.

How are you all?
You looking forward to christmas?

take care

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Not had a depressive post in a while

Man its 5.15 am and I'm home visting to do recording for a sound project for uni.

I've not stayed up this late since I left home in July.

Have so much on my mind and I actually worry about everything all the time and hav'nt wrote or drawn anything worth while in probably a year. It's hard to be strong all the time and be smiley all the time. Feel like a failure as an artist and as a woman. I dont even know why I'm writing this here and not writing it in a word document or something. Would make much more sense. I've not been so personal to anyone or in my work for so long either.

I actually have secrets and things I hide and dont tell anyone and I used to be so trusting and naive.
Got so much work due for Uni and its only my second project in the last few months and it's already a lot of work. I sometimes wake up thinking what the hell am I doing and do I really want all of this and can I handle it? and then stupid things like god I really should get back to those lovely comments on my depressing post on facebook I'm terrible to those people for not.

And think everyone hates me and that I must look awful all the time. And I know this because ever since I've started uni theirs not been a week that goes by when someone in class will tell look exhausted, you look like your going to keel over, you look so tired. And sometimes some of them make snide comments or remarks trying to be funny about things I say like Im an idiot. And I carry on talking acting like its nothing but it actually burries it self so deep in me that I'll think about it for days like a moron. Then regret that I even talk at all.

To sensitive and weak like my lanky boney body frame.

But yet everyone keeps telling me their secrets and I dont even know why.

And it actually makes me feel terrible when they tell me that and then I notice that their right. I'm so tired all the time and I try to work so hard for uni that it nearly kills me with my aniexty attacks. But yet things are different usually at home when I was like this I didnt sleep or eat at all. But living away from home I still eat and sleep when I dont worry or out of pure exhaustion from uni or my part time job.

Even in quiet time I worry about not having bought anyone christmas gifts this year and how every year I've manadged to buy for my family. Money is so difficult these days tho its such a weird experience. I like being independent but im not fully sure if im happy yet. I dont see a future these days im stuck to much in the present and I dont know where I want to be or who I want to be with by the time I'll get there.

Theirs so many disappointments now but sorta silently accept it and its weird having friends and people to talk to on a weekly basis...I've not had friends for nearly 3 years. Cause I wanted to stop being hurt by everyone and closed up.

I guess im just stressed about the workload I have to do for uni and Im writing a silly post at this time of night. But I'll regret it when I wake up at lunch time to try to do more work. I think I'm depressed or numb but cant really tell I cried quite a lot last week cause everything went wrong. Then always feel guilty cause others tell me their problems and secrets and then feel like an idiot for worrying about my little ones. Like I'll worry about what the hell I would do if my family wasnt here to look after me. Then the next I worry about how terrible my skin is and how I'll face another day. That I am lucky in a lot of respects but I do get weak and very very very tired.

I wish I could just spill out everything I really want to say and everything I've kept secret for so long. But its so heavy to even type or make art about it.
I know I need to get rid of this darkness at some point think it plagues me and even when I have shared it with the incredibly few others. They just sit there and look at me and I don't say anything and then I feel like an idiot all over again. And regret sharing anything and that people ask just cause their nosey not because they care. That did it really matter I shared anything or should even be around anyone anymore? They shared with me and I accept it but it never works the other way around.

Why do I feel this terrible all of a sudden I've not expressed how I've been feeling this way for so long.
Just need to suck it all up and get on with living instead of hiding and get all the uni work done before christmas. Then I can hide again for a little while and not have to be optimistic for everyone else and pretend that everything is wonderful.

Art uni has not answered any questions or hopes I needed to get about my work and where I am as a creative indivual but maybe it will in time. It's just all the waiting and the middle of finding out who we are that is troubling.

Monday, 29 October 2012

I'm still alive barely heres my art films and stuff I've bought

I love Autumn so much its so beautiful when the trees are this way and as I walk to uni these days their all blowing in the wind and making tiny whirlwinds just for me.

It seems how I always start my blogs now but I have been very busy and its been crazy my mind is all over the place and my physical self is all over the place too! In the past couple of weeks I finished my first uni project (I'll post my movies near the end of this post.)

 Still have my sweet tooth during these winter months been cosying up in knits with endless cups of tea with sweet things to eat like biscuits and honey.

To treat myself  I ended up buying some things with my student money and work pay 
(plus christmas presents for the family)
I'm not usually like this but I truley have been working my butt off for work and university and wanted to reward myself.

I actually got this bad boy months ago and it was only £5.00 and I've never had a playsuite before and im proud for my first one to be covered in Bunnies. And the fact it has the little Peter Pan collar with a little chain hanging thats on trend not bad I say!
And its sooooo comfortable its like silk on the skin and very comfy to wear. :3

As that it is getting colder I thought it would be a good idea to get some cosy knits.
I got these guys cause was thinking they would be perfect for casual and fashionable wear as well as being super comfy and warm.

If you know me by now you have to know that I love deers I actually have so many fashion items to do with them. I might do a post with just all of them in it to show how sad I am ha ha!

Felt it was also time for a new scarf I thought this little guy was perfect still trying to get with the grips of a snood but oh well tangled comfy mess around my neck all round!

Was needing a little simple shirt piece to go with a lot of clothes I have that match better with white/cream color that goes nicely. Felt this little guy fit the bill considering I went around everywhere looking at shirts that were the same but really expensive. This one was only £6.00 while others were well over it and that its a size 8 the sleeve holes fit my around my arms great even tho I have lanky arms and was worried they would be to big. It's a perfect snug fit and very comfortable and casual.


For uni I was wanting a bag that would fit all my sketchbooks and all the other crap that I have to bring with me such as my camera, headphones, pencil cases and art stuff....I carry a lot of stuff ok?! Im to practical and prepared for my own good?!  I did have my eye on really nice bags from Accessorize but they were far to much money and always out of my price range for a student. By chance I found this guy in a charity shop and somehow have fell in love with it, the picture on it is basically just right for me.

But yeahs I have been on the go constantly if im not cramming away at uni work in my flat Im cramming away at it in the studios at Univeristy. And then at weekends I have my part time job and as amazing as this point should be in my life. Im always exhausted and feel really old ha ha Im actually aching and falling asleep all the time from things. I do have baths and sometimes take time out to just sit back here and there but yeahs I'm always busy.

And I do get tired sometimes and have to have naps and just sit in quiet spaces or read books or play video games to pass the time inbetween.

I sometimes be social as well and its weird I have friends/co workers/ flat mates and class mates and I enjoy talking and sharing with people. Especially all the new creative people I have been meeting their so inspirational and its so wonderful being in an enviroment with them like that.

Heres also my movies I've made for my first project in class hope you enjoy them.
How you guys been doing?

take care

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Finished first uni project and winter months

(Baby Robin taken earlier this year)

Oh my yes indeed I finished my first uni project and don't think I've ever been so stressed and tired in my life. But it was incredibly rewarding and amazing to be in a creative environment and be experience art school for the first time. My class is so awesome its unreal I feel so loved, accepted and not afraid to show my creative side for fear of judgement or acceptance as a artistic person.

I somehow have made 3 films in 5 weeks and have been in every one of them and have became a sort of performance artist without even meaning to be! XD

Things have been just constant in the land of Deborah one thing keeps popping up one after the other. Either it being to do with uni, uni friends, family stuff or flat domestic duties or work stuff. It's been a weird balance of trying to get my head around everything and finding time to breathe. 

But creatively I feel full again and ready to create and produce work and feel comfortable and happy finally in my life.

(Street performer recently)

(Working on a film with classmates and getting painted on)

It's also becoming a lot colder these days and I always crave sweet things during the winter months. Bought a jar of honey and have been having biscuits and other crazy food with it.

(Ice cream with banana sprinkles and honey)

Been enjoying my food these days its been amazing to have money to spend on tasty food. Also been craving some chunky knits and warm cosy things for the colder months coming a head. Not did any fashion posts in the longest time but hopefully that will change.

I also plan to show you guys all my new films I've done hopefully soon.

I'll leave you with blonde Debz!

How have you all been missing you guys like crazy!

Hows everything been on your end?

Take care

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Where have I been?

At uni mostly doing my first projects with work and such other things. I have made a blog and been making sketchbooks and also a 24 hour film!

 Utopia blog! heres the blog if you guys are interested.
I'll try to post up some new stuff on here soon just been terribly busy and juggling, uni, work, social stuff, and family stuff.

Hey ho lets go!
Need to catch up with you all and your blogs how you guys been!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Uni life starting with research and some new make up

I cant express how busy things have been for me the past couple of weeks today I was lucky I got to catch up on some sleep! Been so tired wah!?

That's me started art uni and its been a crazy amount to take in plus with training at weekends for my new job. Its so weird to be able to talk about art and ideas without the fear of sounding like a pretentious dick!
Dunno how I feel about uni yet its to soon to tell but I do enjoy food shopping and walking around feeling independent and strong.

My first project is about looking at our everyday utopia this is a very broad subject. But been looking at different artists and their works its been interesting. If I get the time and energy I'll share some awesome ones with you guys here and on Tumblr.

Since sorting out money a little bit better I've finally been able to buy some new things for myself such as make up. These colours I thought were awesome and reminded me to much of a paint palette to resist and everything I bought was great prices.

 Still need to experiment more with make up I'm not that adventurous or talented when it comes to that area or even looking stylish for that matter.
Guess could do reviews about the products at some point once I've used them more.

As a note about this outfit I have not worn a  denim skirt in the longest time and couldn't help but feel uncomfortable once I got outside. Not because it was a bit short or that it was uncomfortable but I couldn't help but notice people leering at me once I was at the train station.
It was so strange especially men and I felt horrible like I wanted to runaway or didn't feel safe even being in a public place during the day time. Didn't think it was fair to feel that way when we should all feel comfortable and have the free will to choose what we want to wear.
Men and Woman.

I don't' want to have a debate about it because it would just go into the whole thing of rape, woman's rights, and that I'm a slut asking for attention. 
And all of the above that I see people arguing about on the internet everyday.
But its the first I've ever felt like that especially in the daytime and as normal as going to catch a train.
Its just a shame that we live in a world where we have to feel that way at times.
That not the article of clothing but others make you feel that way when were supposed to live in a country where that sort of thing is supposed to be free.

(Technically another fashion post...?)

As tired as I'am and as busy as life has become I hope the best for uni and student life. It's been so long that I have not created any personal art work in any media really. I hope uni can give me that drive again and that art can make me happy again.

Would like to say that I am ready to take on the world as a strong independent woman!
(Like above picture states)
But I do get tired and sometimes numb from day to day life and it can be hard to keep up on the internet sometimes.
And make time to be social and have fun which is what I'm lacking in a weird way.
Would like to say I have been up to more exciting stuff but basically uni during the week and working at weekends.
With relationship and domestic life in between.
Hopefully I'll have some new projects to show you guys!


How have all you guys been?
Take care

First picture
Hat: George
Jacket: George
Turtle neck: River Island
Skirt: Abbey Dawn
Wellies: Gift
Ring: Accessorize
Belt: Gift

Second picture
Dress: Dorothy Perkins (so comfy by de by!)
Leggings: Primark
Blazer: Primark
Shoes: Gift
Bag: Gift

Monday, 3 September 2012

Beatrix Potter Collection

Its been far to long overdue but yes I have Beatrix Potter. 
Collection and its been going on for about two years now.
It all started with this piece.

Its a wooden knots and crosses game and I've not looked back.

Got this one at the Lake District as a gift to myself.

For the Record most of the buys are from charity shops and 
car boots so I've barely had to pay over a few pennies or pounds for anything.

It's been a really cool little hobby and things are always coming up to add to the collection and its still growing!

Do you guys collect anything or have any hobbies as such?

Take Care

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Its all so quiet, its all so still, for tonight

I cant sleep so good tonight so decided to do a Blog post instead since its sorta over do!
Things have been pretty hectic at the moment life keeps making things come up that add to the list.
Settling into the new job slowly but surely but it can make one tired.
Been working at weekends then traveling home during the week cause I need to wait for moneys so can buy yummy food!

While at home been working on a sketchbook for my first project at art Uni.
Get the feeling I've did better sketchbooks in my day but this project is about the Olympics!
I didn't know that much about the Olympics and have never really gotten into
 them apart from watching the odd event on the Tele.
But the more I learn the more inspiring certain aspects are but their seems to be more negative themes about it based on the economical, political, sponsors and discrimination.

These are some examples from the research part of the project.

Been struggling with this project for lack of motivation and how to take it onto the development stages.
The Olympics is such a broad subject that its a lot to get down on paper and my minds been mush for lack of a better word ha ha!
Theirs so much stuff to do and moving back and forth from home and flat makes me all over the place.
I start uni in the next couple of weeks as well so much to get done and sorted oh my!
Probably my busiest summer yet!
Things should settle better in the next month hoorah! 8D

My lovely's Guinea pigs had babies their so amazing the noises Guinea pigs make could amuse me forever!
In case you didn't know baby guinea pigs are born fully furred.

Waaaaaaaaaah so cuuuuute!

I managed to do a some quick outfit posts before going on the train last week.
 Actually have came to love this dress I got it last year and have barely worn it.
Thank you new flat wardrobe!

offt! I hope for things to settle down better in the next couple of weeks. 
Barely did any art or played video games in such a long time its been weird.
It seems I've abandoned my Deviantart accounts when I just need time to make some work to post on there.
Maybe one day I will again boo!

Hope you guys had a great Summer and getting ready to go back to school or where ever your lives will take you.
Lemme know how you guys have been and how your summers have been!

Take care

Dress: Primark
Belt: Charity shop
Shoes: Mum handed them down to me <3 p="p">
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