Friday, 16 July 2010

Flaky nails and outside keeps sighing

Ive not been outside lately its starting to get to me and make me feel dusty and sheltered. The weather hasnt been all that great tho sadly. I really want to go to a beach for some reason, I want sand between my toes and I was to explore rock pools and breathe in that sea salt. Need to travel pretty far to get to one tho and got no one to go with.

My sleep has been messed up so been sleeping through the day a lot but ive got nothing to do and the sky has been crying to much to go anywhere.
I do like rain tho and theirs nothing better than being snug in bed and listening to it outside the window. Its one of my favourite sounds and comforts. My skin has seen better days aswell just now so its makes me hesitant about going outside i know its silly but i feel that way sometimes.

My house has been full of angry noises and tense feelings just now aswell. My parents have been arguing alot and being mad and its making me very uncomfortable and making the feelings of being in the house worse. I know it will probably get better or pass, but its been unpleasant.

Ive uploaded new work finally aswell on my art blog and my Deviantart accounts. Three pictures, another clay animal skull and some photography.

I tidied my room today aswell its been a while, I threw out all the unneeded work and bits and pieces of stuff from the past year at college. I also found a lot of books and photographs i forgot i had made me nostalgic.

These are some of my books i found under my bed, their various art magazines, cook books, story books, art books and comics. Its strange when you find lots of stuff you forgot you bought in a while. I really need to get back into cooking but because of lack of money ive not been able to.

Theirs a lot of stuff i cant do because of lack of money, ive tried doing comissions or advertising that i can do art and make things for people but it always fails. Think ill have to look for another job again even tho apparent the number of people being unemployed in our country keeps rising.

Heres a picture of the only part of wall in my room that has things on it. My rooms walls used to be completely covered at one point but my parents took everything down when i went on vacation a few years ago. I wasnt pleased because it took me years to cover the walls but i guess it was time.

I found some pressed flowers i completely forgotten about in one of the books i have. Im not a professional at pressing flowers at all so was my first attempted. I hide them away again cause their still not flat enough.

These are most of comic book collection under my bed. When i was growing up i got really into comic books. Ive been to quite a few conventions and last year comic con for the first time. I barely collect or buy comics anymore tho sadly. I still do read many online tho. I even wanted to get into the comic bussiness and ive made countless comics, plots and stories and characters.

As youve probably noticed many of my comics in this picture are done by Jhonen Vasquez. I was a big fan of him and got really into comics and comic making because he inspired me so much. I was deeply saddened after meeting him at comic con last year. He was pretty rude to me and a dissapointment and was obviously not interested in anything i had to say to him. Its sorta made me look at his work differently now which is difficult.

Im not into comics as much as i was now, i was focused on them from like 13-18 or so, but now i have a feeling its not the career i want or can do.

This is a book my dad found on a train ive been meaning to read it because ive found a new love for Philosophy after taking a class of it last year. This book is beautifully old and seems to scream wisdom, i hope to read it or attempt to soon.

Thease are books that were writtin by my dads Aunty i hope to read them soon too.


Thease are clothes ive had for months but never found the right time or place to wear them. Im very picky sometimes with clothes and what to wear them with and im having trouble wearing these. I just dont know what to make them go with at all. I love my beetlejuice shorts as i like to call them.

Tidying my room made me feel a little better about myself and that i need to decided what other things i want to do next. Think job hunting seems likely if impossible and also what to do about this exhibition im very hesitant about it.


My name means bee in Hebrew. :3

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Dry under eyes and experiments can make you blind

(Trevor Brown)

Ive been sorta lost lately about what i want to do in life and worried about wasting time and what i want to do or should work on now. Its been summer for a little while now for me and so far ive manadged to do two paintings because of these problems. I had a huge list of plans of what i wanted to do because of the free time i got especially creating new pieces. Im scared tho that because ive set so much for myself to do that i wont be able to decided what i want to do first or if ever.

I find myself instead staying in bed and i usually do this when im depressed yet ive not really been crying yet which surprises me. Theirs also no energy or will in me no matter how much i dream or pace myself. I feel like my fingers will crumble and break like their made of ash or charcoal.

The other day i had a look through all my old sketchbooks i did for school and for myself and my style has changed an awful lot. Yet i was happy back then drawing away mindlessly anything i desired or felt right but now i find myself constantly worrying about what direction to take my work in. And how will i make it work in the future or what media to stick to, cause usually if your good at something you stick to that and develop it further.

Im just to riddiculously experimental that its confusing me and making me blind as to what i should really care about being happy with my work. Yet you are your own worst critic and then you cant be happy with what you have made and then its just an endless cycle of questioning self worth and choices.

My mind is just so busy all the time like a jar full of flies and i want it to just be still for a little bit so i could decide on what to work on. I'll try my best to work on something more soon or to show my paintings.

I put up most of my work i did for my game on my other art blog if anyone is interested to show what ive been working on lately.

Been considering making videos aswell about my sketchbooks because ive found a lot of people dont know much about sketchbook work for courses and art school. Thought it might be of use to someone if their interested since mandaged to get my video camera working propperly.

Ive been watching films ive not seen for a long time but adored especially the film Willard and my fascination for Crispin Glover.

Been looking at a lot of different artists and animation lately, i find myself for full days locked away in my room with just the dull hum of my laptop for company. As twisted beautiful images and videos play their sweet secrets and truths to me.

So many that i probably could not show them all here cause its almost endless, im so inspired yet im not smiling and very quiet about it all.

Ive became so deeply in love with Cocorosie, their wisdom and music makes me want to live life like a child always. Their dull twinkling music plays almost constant in my mind when theirs nothing else to ponder or worry about.

I have also books i need to read one thats very old and beautifully tattered and ones that my dads Aunt wrote but i do not know her. But shes apparently a very well known Scottish Author and her books are fiction but based on my Granmother and others when they were growing up.

Been told i put myself down a lot and yet i do not know i have till after i said it like its almost automatic to say things like "no im not" "Im not worth missing" "Theirs better people out there im not worth the time".

Part of me knows these things are not true but i dunno why i say them, the smallest part of be beleaves them to be true. I do hope i feel happier soon enough to think i can create again cause i feel its part of the problem.

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Rabbits on my feet and tidy clutters around me

A lot has happened in the past few months that im finding difficult to express or write about to sum it up really. Ive decided to just post some images instead that represent whats been going on.

Anyone know what kind of caterpillar this is? i cant find any info on it : (

Ill  be working on other projects in the meantime. Im sorry for my lack of words.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...