Friday, 25 June 2010

I miss everyone on here so much and finally finished

Today is the first day ive been able to sit, relax and not worry about anything in a time that feels like forever. Constantly felt like ive been almost finished for about a month and even have gave away two weeks of my summer to come back into college to do extra work. But im finally finished now and ive not felt so relaxed and happy for a long time. I passed my course and all other work that i did and im feeling pretty happy and confident with what ive learned and what im capable of now.

I even was very ill yestarday but pushsed myself to go into college to see my grade in black and white and make sure i really was finished and passed and that it was'nt some crazy dream. I personally think that grades them selfs are not that important because its wrong to place your worth and artistic ability on a number or letter. It matters more what you feel and think about yourself and your work not what a group of people might say.

But we need feedback to survive as artistic people in a lot in many ways and it also helps us improve or improve if we try something again or new. It also helps be open and understand others work better and see things more clearly about ourselves and others. It connects us on that personal level we may have not experienced any other way. Its comforting to be around and speak to people in a way that others would'nt understand you in another time or place. Even if you may dislike that person or have nothing in common with them, artistically your connected to them in a way that goes beyond the norm into a very strong bond. Its one of the best feelings for me and i cant help but get excited and full of awe when i see a creative process or communicate with that person purely on their art, they dont even have to speak to me. Ill feel closer to them and remember them through my life.

I feel the same with all of you on blogger, Deviantart and any other sites im on even if i never meet you, or even speak to you. Through your art i feel like i know you all over and will continue to, like someone watching you grow and what happens to you in life. I completely love you all.

I said my goodbyes to my teachers and some other students, it was strange letting go and i thought i would be emotionally upset. But i was'nt, it felt right and ready for the goodbyes and that what i had worked on and what i had done. Ill probably see them again so its not even really a goodbye but i do wish them all the best even if times were difficult with them or mis understood sometimes.

Taken after i finished all my work, expected and felt ready to cry but did'nt. Guess that means im a stronger person now.

Im ready to get back to what makes me happy and have time to myself to do all the things ive wanted to do for months but not been able to because of the workload. Ill be online more often again and be posting new work freely, i dont feel so numb or lost as i thought i would.

Ill catch up with you all now and retrack your work as much as i can and get back to you all. I have a lot to do now but without worry and stress and a lot has happened in my life that i may talk about eventually.

Take care everyone and ill talk to you soon <3

Monday, 14 June 2010

Returning from dreaming being a hermit back to reality

Hello everyone

I know ive been gone for quite some time and i know it can be hard to recover from absince to come back to the digital world. I found i loose friends this way nearly every year and it saddens me. But i am coming back now college only has one more week left of handing final work in and finishing work up.

But i must say ive missed everyone on here a great deal and also feel guilty about not being able to look up everyones passed work/comments/journal/Blog entries. I think about you all in such a great deal every single day like ive knew you all for years and that we are artistic people i already know that we understand each other on such greater levels than most people.

Its been long and hard past month of constantly working on my project being secluded in my room burried in art materials and my conflicting feelings and other matters. If anyone was interested i made the concept of a video game for my final project.

But because i am a woman the whole debate of sexism appeared in my class and my presentation and it turned more into a debate of the battle of the sexes which is not what i wanted. But the rest of the people i was presenting it too did so i just let them do it. Gender was not an issue i thought of for my entire project till a teacher brought it up. After it was brought up it stuck in the back of my mind for the rest of the project and hendered me from continueing any much work after that.

But i somehow did and i cannot tell you how glad i am to make all of that work go away and be finishing college after 4 years that most of it was truely not worth it. This weekend is the first weekend ive been able to sleep right and not worry about anything for a long time. Summer is already been here for a while it just sucks that college wont finish for another week.

I plan to get back into full swing of my artistic creations and myself as a person. I am not going to the states over the summer anymore as planned but instead in the fall. So this will give me sometime to reflect and use what i have learned wisely. And also care about myself and how im feeling and get my artistic priorities straight.

Ive got a lot of things built up inside me a great deal just now and im bursting to get it all out by making things and writing. Ill get around to everyone as soon as i can and if anyone wants to catch up or talk with me send me a note/comment and ill glady catch up with you.

Ill be posting new work in a short while.
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