Saturday, 27 April 2013

I have moved my blog!

Thank you all for the support and continued support but I have now made a brand new blog!

It is here!

I will add you all who are following me if I don't is probably cause I couldn't find the links by accident. Let me know if I have miss a follow!

Thanks again guys.


Wednesday, 6 March 2013

I'm not dead?! 8D

Not updated in a while sadly been so busy with uni work and doing art work for it.


The works been here if your interested planning to create a new blog on blogger for my personal stuff as well.

Miss blogging so much waaaaaah! want to catch up with everyone and their blogs soon!
take care hope your doing alright

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Birthday! Japanese food and therapy!

Crazily enough I got spoiled again cause it was my birthday last week felt even more guilty about getting more presents.
But it was lovely and I got to go and have Japanese food which is so rare for me! It was so tasty wish I could have it all the time. Enjoyed the christmas-ness in Glasgow afterwards. And got lovely presents and gah!
what a surprise I got a new laptop which is going to be so useful for art uni!
Cant wait to start Pokemon black yes!
I go back to uni on Monday cant help but feel the holidays went to fast and I’ve been a emotional wreck lately. But for the new year I’m going to try some therapy and see if it will help my mental and emotional problems. I want the old Debz back and I want to be able to make art again and feel like I used to. Cant ignore these issues forever.
Hopefully it will be good for me, also noticed I don’t take pictures of myself anymore must be the self esteam thing.
I plan to start a jar and put little nice notes in it either it being nice sayings or activities to do. And if not everyday I’ll pick something out of it once a week so I’ll either have something nice to think about or an adventure to look forward to for me.
I’ll let you know how it goes!
Anyway Hope everyone had a good 2012 and have a good one this year too!

What I got for christmas!

It has been a while but here is what I got for Christmas this year I truely am spoiled. I didn’t even ask for anything this year but my family are so kind and lovely. It’s nice to get such beautiful things for being a poor student and I appreciate it greatly! Felt even guilty for getting all of this.
The biggest gift I got was a brand new camera which I took these photos with 8D
Been wanting to play these games since forever as well so happy I got them nyaaaaah!
Things have been busy and I’ve been going through a lot of depression and negative events. It’s hard to even get out of bed some days but this is the reasons for lack of updates.
Also that trying to upload pictures to tinypic and photobucket has been a bit of a chore when I get just upload stuff easier to Tumblr.
Birthday post coming your way too!

Also sloved the blogging picture host problem can just copy paste my stuff from Tumblr! whoo!

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Sum up of christmas and the year!

Happy 200th anniversary Grimms Fairy tales!

Since finishing up University for the holidays I have been struck with a nasty virus or something typical me! 
I get to enjoy my first week off Uni with never ending snot and coughing up all my vital organs from the comfort of my bed while I sleep the days away. 
That also builders have been running around my flat bringing up the floors and magic dust trails where ever they go.
(Really nice guys trying to do their jobs tho!)

But yes this has been me the last week or so and its not been that fun not really manadged to get anything fun done. Or even be able to get back to painting and drawing my personal work again. 
My esty shop shall be forever bare I think!
But I have seen some friends and been eating lots of yummy food and this year has been tough and life changing.

 Chicken Korma with Rice and Wedges with Garlic Naan bread.

This year has been tough I have somehow been sick five times since I moved away from home. Plus money has been a big issue since becoming a student. I have been supporting not just myself but the boyfriend on the side for the past five months also because his students funds did'nt pull through till basically last week.
I dont know if this happened because I'm just really nice or a complete idiot. Probably the idiot part.
Which has not left me much money theirs only so much being independent and a part time job can do.
Felt even super guilty for taking off my first day ever off work since I started.

But in the spirit of giving and christmas I somehow have also manadged to buy all my family members christmas gifts this year. My family is pretty big so buying christmas for them all is never easy or cheap but I dont want it to be. It's always worth it to see the look on their faces when they open gifts. It's also going to be interesting to see how christmas turns out this year. 
You see half my family has stopped speaking to my parents which are the Grandparents so we have christmas at my house every year. And its all been to be honest really silly because people are to proud and stubborn to just say sorry and admit that their wrong. It's going to be sad either way cause its just not going to be the same christmas without them. 
I even still bought presents for them so I'm wondering how I'll give them their gifts.
And the sad thing is my parents are'nt going to be around forever so I wish they would just suck it up and enjoy the only time their ever gonna get with them.

Since being away at uni I've barely seen my family this year and thats been a huge step for me. I've not cried about how much I miss them since the weekly phone calls from my parents. But I'm worried I'm not being there enough for my nieces and my youngest nephew since they have been growing up with me. I want to be a good role model for them and that is a big dent in my heart that I knew I would feel when I moved away. That also trying to buy gifts for people you barely talk to anymore is seriously tricky ha ha!

Dispite money troubles I do sometimes keep a little money for myself and did spend on stuff only when I see things super cheap.

I got these boots a while ago cause I found that all the walking I'm doing back and forth to uni and all over town. My trusty flat cheap trainers just don't cut it especially for the weather and the state my feet were getting in. My feet were constantly sore and have been slowly going out of shape so I took the plunge and got a descent pair of shoes. Which is a difficult thing for me to do because I dont like spending any money on myself.

But I can't resist my love of books no matter how hard I try I love books and enjoy having them. I got these two from my many charity shop adventures and I adore them. Started reading the Watership down book and its actually amazing its like side stories about the rabbits and tales of their folk lore. Always wanted a book about witches and I'm a sucker for midevil history especially wood block prints which is how the book is illustrated. Can't wait to read this baby!

Because things were tough and depressing for me I have found people really really do care and are wonderful. As a surprise my new classmate/friend got me this deer broach to cheer me up when things were dark and pretty bad. How wonderful she knows me so well DEERS! YES! It's actually made by someone in the Jewellery department of our art uni. I'll have to find out her name it's so beautiful! I'll have to get something for my friend as well!

I have went back to drawing just a little when I find the energy and time from not being so ill. I started this piece a long time ago but its going to be special and can only work on it when it feels right. Yeah its one of those pieces.

I had so many plans and ideas for my art work and things I wanted to create and eventually sell but uni and life has made it all halt. I have no idea why I never even got around to my giveaway and I have so much to giveaway. I have became invisable on the internet as an artist and blogger once again. Maybe I'll try to get some things done over the holidays well see.

If anything I cannot wait to go home and enjoy christmas with my family this week it's going to be amazing! I do hope you all have a wonderful christmas and new years if I dont get to speak to you all before then!
Hope you have a great big dinner and get all the gifts you wanted!

Merry christmas and happy new year!
Take care

Oh yeah! incase you were wondering I still do my story book tapes on youtube. And I made it to a 100 SUBSCRIBERS! WOW! Thank you all so much guys your the best and what a wonderful gift for the new year!
Heres my favourite story for you all I uploaded recently.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

My friends are playing lord of the rings risk while I type this

Oh my feeling a bit better from my last post from the black pit of University work and general student life and troubles with love life.

But dispite all of this I finished my first semester at Uni and gosh I dunno how to feel. I worked ridiculously hard and I usually dont admit that kinda thing. But...I really did work hard to get all of my work done and in on time. At the same time battling with bad health and barely sleeping from stress and a part time job at weekends gah??!

I know that doesnt sound that amazing or challenging but it has been, still adjusting to the student life and living away from home since Semptember. Learned so much in a short amount of time and so much has happened. 
It's hard to sum it all up cause it all happened so quickly dont even remember it all my brain is just mush these days.

But what has happened is that

I was in five films including sound projects and my own for uni work and to help out my fellow class mates.
Not seen their films around the internet so the ones I have done are on my YouTube.
That's here if you hav'nt seen them

Time Based Art is a lot more techy based that I thought even brought up all my art materials to my flat to have them collect dust in a corner. Spar some pens, pencils, the scissors and glue for sketchbooks.

I created four sketchbooks for my project in this amount of time including one thats dedicated to basically my Granmother and her house.
Thats here

I learned that you cant rely on other people and that if you want to get stuff done including helping others you have to do it yourself. 
And that some can be very difficult and that its a given that I'm paitent and tolerant of them. Dispite this never believed it was right to speak down or be cruel to others so I dont.

But I've also learned that their truley are amazing people in the mix who you can trust, console, ask for advice and get advice in return, share your hopes and dreams and cry and laugh with them.

Being in a fully creative environment is probably one of the most wonderful things that has happened to me and I am very lucky to have got into art uni.

But I still am not sure if its were I belong yet or what I want to do with my future or where I want to be yet.

That I'm only human and even tho young I do get tired and weak and can have terrible bad days and learn harsh things.

Also my flat has became more dire the more I've been living in it and its going to get worse.

But theirs also good things that turn it around, my family shows they love me and support me by weekly phone calls.

On a terrible day back from work I got handed free fruit with kind words on them.

I saw Brave and Frankenweenie and adored them.

It's hard but Im independent with money finally in my life and I do buy what only I need a save for my rent and food shopping. 
And little treats every couple of months on the side for myself. 
(Will post soon hopefully)

Never been so happy to be able to get sleep when I can cause always tired! ha ha!

Also looking forward to christmas! still have some christmas shopping to do!

Their is a lot more their has been a lot of fighting and tears as well but its strange now knowing people read my blog in real life. It was so surreal when people come up to you and say 'oh I read your blog'. So now I talk to others in real life about my problems instead of online so much.
But I want to make my own art again and express whats been going on in life through blogging again.

The thing that hosts my images for blogger is completely full now sadly.
Thats a lot of blogging?!
So now I have to find another image host site thats free dont have the money to pay for one every month.

Now I just have my results next week for my first semester at uni and part time work till christmas happens.

Lets see how things go and can finally relax and sleep for a couple of weeks.

How are you all?
You looking forward to christmas?

take care

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Not had a depressive post in a while

Man its 5.15 am and I'm home visting to do recording for a sound project for uni.

I've not stayed up this late since I left home in July.

Have so much on my mind and I actually worry about everything all the time and hav'nt wrote or drawn anything worth while in probably a year. It's hard to be strong all the time and be smiley all the time. Feel like a failure as an artist and as a woman. I dont even know why I'm writing this here and not writing it in a word document or something. Would make much more sense. I've not been so personal to anyone or in my work for so long either.

I actually have secrets and things I hide and dont tell anyone and I used to be so trusting and naive.
Got so much work due for Uni and its only my second project in the last few months and it's already a lot of work. I sometimes wake up thinking what the hell am I doing and do I really want all of this and can I handle it? and then stupid things like god I really should get back to those lovely comments on my depressing post on facebook I'm terrible to those people for not.

And think everyone hates me and that I must look awful all the time. And I know this because ever since I've started uni theirs not been a week that goes by when someone in class will tell look exhausted, you look like your going to keel over, you look so tired. And sometimes some of them make snide comments or remarks trying to be funny about things I say like Im an idiot. And I carry on talking acting like its nothing but it actually burries it self so deep in me that I'll think about it for days like a moron. Then regret that I even talk at all.

To sensitive and weak like my lanky boney body frame.

But yet everyone keeps telling me their secrets and I dont even know why.

And it actually makes me feel terrible when they tell me that and then I notice that their right. I'm so tired all the time and I try to work so hard for uni that it nearly kills me with my aniexty attacks. But yet things are different usually at home when I was like this I didnt sleep or eat at all. But living away from home I still eat and sleep when I dont worry or out of pure exhaustion from uni or my part time job.

Even in quiet time I worry about not having bought anyone christmas gifts this year and how every year I've manadged to buy for my family. Money is so difficult these days tho its such a weird experience. I like being independent but im not fully sure if im happy yet. I dont see a future these days im stuck to much in the present and I dont know where I want to be or who I want to be with by the time I'll get there.

Theirs so many disappointments now but sorta silently accept it and its weird having friends and people to talk to on a weekly basis...I've not had friends for nearly 3 years. Cause I wanted to stop being hurt by everyone and closed up.

I guess im just stressed about the workload I have to do for uni and Im writing a silly post at this time of night. But I'll regret it when I wake up at lunch time to try to do more work. I think I'm depressed or numb but cant really tell I cried quite a lot last week cause everything went wrong. Then always feel guilty cause others tell me their problems and secrets and then feel like an idiot for worrying about my little ones. Like I'll worry about what the hell I would do if my family wasnt here to look after me. Then the next I worry about how terrible my skin is and how I'll face another day. That I am lucky in a lot of respects but I do get weak and very very very tired.

I wish I could just spill out everything I really want to say and everything I've kept secret for so long. But its so heavy to even type or make art about it.
I know I need to get rid of this darkness at some point think it plagues me and even when I have shared it with the incredibly few others. They just sit there and look at me and I don't say anything and then I feel like an idiot all over again. And regret sharing anything and that people ask just cause their nosey not because they care. That did it really matter I shared anything or should even be around anyone anymore? They shared with me and I accept it but it never works the other way around.

Why do I feel this terrible all of a sudden I've not expressed how I've been feeling this way for so long.
Just need to suck it all up and get on with living instead of hiding and get all the uni work done before christmas. Then I can hide again for a little while and not have to be optimistic for everyone else and pretend that everything is wonderful.

Art uni has not answered any questions or hopes I needed to get about my work and where I am as a creative indivual but maybe it will in time. It's just all the waiting and the middle of finding out who we are that is troubling.
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